I’ll find you, or you can find me.

And we can share this moment, together.

Under the fireworks; all my love.

Masterpiece

At my most vulnerable state
You see me and jeer
speaking words that damage me further
bent, broken, crushed
and my dust particles will never form me ever.

Or at my most vulnerable state
you see me and have not a care
walk past and blow me away
wobbling, crippling, crumbling
and I drop; smashed.

Saying that you care
saying that you will be there
all under pretence
have I no need of such things
stop acting we are in no play.

Distinguishing you and the rest of the world
was easy
for I thought your heart and my heart
combined and the same
beating in unison
little did I know
under different frequencies.

My hopes were up high
for you to be there
to pick me up
piece me back
and polish me
only disappointment greets me.

The turning of the clock's hands
millions of times
meant not one thing to you
I now see
and I treasured them dearly
fool of a me.

Took me for granted
and not a word I say
possibly me, the root of this twisted misery?
not a word I say
but now I have to say
thank you for breaking me apart
I am damaged
beyond repair.
Your greatest piece of art.





1319hours (19/09/09)


Notes : .

Khayalan Tingkat Tinggi

Aku,
duduk melepas lelah,
dijemput lena,
terbuai aku dalam sebuah mimpi,
di tengah hari.

Indah tidak terperi,
dunia fantasi.
Memungkinkan segala yang mustahil,
membenarkan segala yang dusta,
aku bisa menjadi sesiapa,
tinggallah identitiku sendirian.

Datang dikau menghulurkan tangan,
kusambut mesra,
satu episod bermula,
antara engkau, aku dan purnama.

Inginku hidup di alam ini
namun harusku pulang ke pangkuan realiti.
Oh fantasi,
tunggu aku kembali.


1904hours (16.09.09)


Notes : nothing too mushy ey? finally, for my sajak. hahaha

Of Hatred.

O Earth
How are you?
Created with love
now filled with hatred.

and the sea hates the floating insignificant treasures
and the trees hate the violent human creations
and the droplets dance, a dance of destruction
and the rays penetrate deep inside, burning my defences.
and humans.

For humans are gifted with feelings and a mind
Of your foolishness, men,
causing chaos in the world.
Of the same form we are, men,
flesh eating flesh.
Of a pure heart, men,
now tarnished and blackened by whispers of the devil.

Hating the devil.
Are you not one?

Spare me your excuses.
I am not one who needs it.
Nor am I interested to know
for your never ending reasons
never end,
never make sense,
hatred does not makes sense,
make sense?

Enough.
It is enough what you have done.
Will you not stop and think?
Why the Earth is crying.
Why the Earth is crumbling.
Why the Earth is nearing the end.
Then,
where will your hatred bring you?
I hope you survive to tell.

Then again, i hope we never meet again.


2215(11.09.09)

Note : what do you think? i dont know how i feel about this one...

I know you

I walked along the aisle, looking for an interesting read. I was in the mood for change. I laughed. I'm really kidding myself.

"Whatever" I muttered under my breath.

I shoved those ill thoughts far far away in the back of my head. It's threatening to go out. Pushing its way out..

"ahhh! Fuck YOU!" I screamed a little scream.

"ssssssh" added with disapproval stares.

Great. Just what I need. I am in need of disapproval, ladies and gentlemen. Thank You. I guess you don't want me to forget him,no? I will not then.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no no no noooo. Go away! Yeah, I was arguing with myself as I walk along the aisle. FML.

Right. I don't remember this shelf. Maybe I'd find something new here. Something that'll spice up my life. Something that'll CHANGE. What, I have no clue. Just CHANGE. I need CHANGE. I threw a dirty look to the space next to me. Assuming it was my other self next to me.

My hand brushed against a book. I looked at the book and took it out from the stack. The front cover is a blank page. Interesting. I opened the first page and it read, 'Are you ready?' in bold and large font. I was suddenly excited.

"Yes." I said.

Next page read, 'What do you want?"

"I want t-t-t-to to to......forget him...." I stuttered.

"Is that what you really want?"

"...."

"Thought so."

"What the fuck?"

It was as if it read my mind. Whoww, now this is creepy. But somehow, something made me resist the involuntary action of my body that is to drop the book and, run. I turned the next page.

"How do you feel?"

"Like shit. ...Like shit."

"Does he know?"

"I dont think so. Even if he does, he doesn't fucking care, does he?"

"Now think about this, how do you feel when you thought about knowing him?"

I think. I let myself dive inside the memories of first getting to know him. Much to the delight of my very emotional self. I thought about how we first met, the times spent talking, our conversations, the jokes we laughed at, the people we mocked and laughed at, the times we fought each other's pain, the times when I have him and he has me and we were each other's support system, the pain we inflicted on each other, the pain, the pain and the smiles and laughter and your hair and your smell and your voice and your eyes and your smile and you.

"Oh God, I love you" I whispered.

I pressed my hand to my chest and choke on the air I tried to inhale as I try to regain my composure. I fought the tears that are welling in my eyes. I turned the next page.

"It hurts?"

"Is that a statement?"

"Okay and now, what about if you never knew him?"

My brain could not even comprehend to such thought. I was shaking my head and pulling back from the book at the same time. The movement caused the page to turn.

"Cmon. Give it a try."

I froze.

Right then and there the book sounded exactly like.

"Okayy..." I exhaled suddenly gaining confidence at that thought.

So what if I never knew you?

My life would not be the same. At all. Period.

How would I freaking know? God!

Okay, okay, I'll give this a shot.

My life..would probably be...like..winter. Wait, what? That just popped in my head. Winter? Hmm..Winter is cold, and chilly. The days are short and nights are long. Snow gives happiness to you one day, and more sorrow as the month stretches. I'd have my fun, playing with the snow, on ice. But I for sure would be missing the Sun that brightens up my day. Activities are limited during winter. Winter is cold and....depressing. And sad. Winter lack colours. Winter feels lonely. Winter...winter.

Winter is like a life without knowing you.

And again I fought back tears that are flowing. In vain.

I turned the page.

"But you do know him"

"I do, I do"

And thank God I do.

I smiled and wiped away my tears. Then I think of you when we first knew each other. Our memories all replayed itself like a movie in my head. The film stopped rolling up till the last memory I have of you.

....

Do I still do?


The last page was blank.

Putera

Detikan jam kini mendekati bulan yang kedua
di sini aku masih di posisi yang sama
masih menunggumu
masih mengasihimu
masih merinduimu
masih lagi dipenuhi rasa sayu.

Dusta,
jika aku kata tidak kuendah dirimu
jika aku kata tidak akan kutunggu dirimu
jika aku kata akanku berhenti
mengejar rama-rama yang enggan hinggap membawa berita.
jika aku letih berkata-kata.
Telah kucuba,
aku kecundang tiap kali.

Hati yang hanya memanggil dirimu
yang sayu dipukul ombak rindu
yang sakit ditiup angin ragu
dan aku tahu,
tiada ruang fikiranmu untukku
dan aku tahu,
hatimu bukan milikku.
Tiada keraguan di situ.
Namun, mengapa aku masih menunggu?

Tiada erti perjuangan ini
Namun seribu satu pengertian dirimu buat aku
Logik tak ada di sini.
Aku sayang kamu.
Segala sakit dan peritku
Semua gembira dan tawaku
Pasrahlah aku,
puteraku.


0032hours (05/09/09)

Note : on the poem : enough said.
on the issue : sigh.