Friday 26 June 2009

I keep on waiting


The void I feel inside
won't go away
you're haunting me
I can't fight.
The longing.
I can't fight
nor am I waving the white flag.

You shall be the death of me
yet you're the reason I'm living
soul, you betrayed me
you served a different master
when you're mine, you are mine.
Heart, you disappoint me
beating hard for someone else
beating slow when we're alone.

I remain faithful
though others are disloyal
faithful to you.

Not one I can fight
not I, to surrender
I keep on waiting
for the call to guide me home
I keep on waiting
I keep on waiting.




1251 hours (26/-6/09)

Wednesday 17 June 2009

The Captain

On a beautiful day, a ship landed near the shore. The villagers stood on guard, prepared for anything that might come. Though with a huge skull painted on a black cloth as their flag; their pride, what they hold on to; their life; these pirates came offering peace. All they wanted was to regain their strength and restock their food supply and tools for their next voyage. So the pirates and the villagers had a deal. No one from either side would cause any harm to the other if none from either cause any harm to one another.

For the first few days, the villagers were afraid. Very afraid. It was not like no pirates had attacked the village before. Though these men came offering peace and made a deal, the suspicions firing in the villagers heart could not be extinguish easily. They are, after all, called pirates. And no one would be stupid enough to believe in a pirate's words. However, none can deny the strong willingness to believe in their words this time. Including me.

Maybe my feelings towards the pirates were clouded with my silly dreams to be one of them. The freedom they have to sail away with no worries surrounding them, oh who would not dream of such a life. I know, however, that it is impossible for me. I'm a girl. I could never be one of the pirates.

Soon, the villagers and the pirates no longer exchange suspicious looks but greetings. The word pirate, brought no negative feelings anymore. Now, my story is not about how we should not judge a book by its cover. No, no. The Captain.

Captain, as he is called, is the captain of the pirates. One might have the impression that he has a hook for his right hand, black dirty curly hairs with gold teeth and a belly to match but how wrong one could be. Captain, has clean cut hair, with perfect eye-blinding white teeth and an impressive physique to match. In other words, Captain is perfect.

One who has a look that was carved in the heavens. One who knows his way with words. One with manners. One with excitement oozing from all around him. One who can charm his enemies away. One who stole my precious away. Oh the captain. In a short period of time, he managed to. Without a fight, I surrendered. My precious was all his, and his to own. But the captain knows not. The captain knows not.

Captain often tells us tales from around the world. And one would not miss the admiration in the ladies eyes. One would not be such a fool to slip and offered the dearest thing of theirs. One would always keep their feet on the ground and not fly away with the music the cupid played. One would not be such fool. Oh yes, one would miss out on life.

I build up my courage for quite a while. With encouragements and positive thinking, I tried. However, no matter how high the courage I built, I still fear Captain would look away. I fear Captain would throw my precious away. Though I know Captain. I know. I still fear.

I let myself argue in my head for days and days to come until finally, the day came for the pirates to leave for their next voyage. It is now or never, I told myself. I ran with all my might. The villagers were all crowding the ship, offering last advices and bidding them goodbye. I searched for Captain. I saw Captain. I waved. Captain smiled. And Captain left with it, my precious. I waved.

We might never see each other again but I would not trade these memories for anything. Not even for the most valuable thing on the planet. I do not feel like I lost something though my precious went with him. For my precious does not belong to me to begin with. My precious is his, and his to own. Though he knows not. He knows not.

I will wait for you, Captain. I will wait for you to realize that you own my precious. For every beatings, it beats for you. For now, I can only let the wind carry my words to you.

Ahoy Captain, we will meet again and the cupids will sing.

The Umbrella

Its almost two months now. I've been counting down the days since that day. It's pathetic really.

There's no such thing as drought now. I dont even have to sacrifice any little girls to call the rain god. The rain god seems to like me very much. He wont leave my side and so it rains a lot. All the time. I let the rain god bring the rain. Though I have no umbrella with me, I let the rain god bring the rain. I don't give a damn anymore. My umbrella, my umbrella broke. I still keep my umbrella. I love that umbrella to bits. It's something really special to me. Im trying really hard to find a way to fix that umbrella but it seems to be broken beyond repair. That fact saddens me.

The rain god thought that by bringing the rain, and with me without my umbrella, I would give in to him. He was wrong. I let him bring the rain for I have no strength to chase him away. I have no will to care about what he's trying to do. So I choose to ignore him. My action seems to enrage the rain god. Therefore, he brought more and more rain. So it rains harder and harder. All the time. And I, I just sit there, soaked from head to toe, with my broken umbrella.

The umbrella has been such a comfort to have by my side. It protects me from the sun and it also protects me from the rain. I relied on it too much . I didnt take good care of it. I took it for granted. But its too late for such realization for my umbrella, is broken.

Everyday since that day, Ive sit here and stare at my broken umbrella. Ive been sitting under the rain ever since. I want to try and fix it, but the sharp edges sticking out from it made me have second thoughts. Im afraid that I'll cut myself. So Ive been sitting under the rain ever since.

Im a coward.

Sunday 14 June 2009

Tale from an I


I was happy
living in the bubble
til' it bursts
and I,
thrown out.

I know.
But I created fiction
hoping it'll form my reality
somehow it's only fantasy.
It bleeds.

Why not a red rose?

Filled its head with tales from the West
no wonder it falls.
It broke, but it knows.
It already knew.
Voices asking, why?

Echoes in the dark
beating, beating.

Is it not better now than before?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes it is hard.

Why take a plunge, knowing only the fall awaits?

I have hopes and dreams
only under the moonlight
will they be clear to you.
I'll show you.
One day.

Again, maybe not.

The situation is at fault.

I can no longer deny
I can no longer lie
O you complicated thing.

I have hopes, I have dreams
I have you.

Time isn't a problem
do you want me?




2045 hours (14/06/09)

Thursday 11 June 2009

I, you.


Do you not know?
I walked out on life
still standing here;
not my soul.

I wish I can say
it is free and happy.
Lies.
Pressed and stretched to its limit
somewhere I could not find.
I lost it
the day I lose you.

An object; my body
does its job well in daily life
but none is done with passion
all are done under an obligation.

Too busy I am
searching for my soul;
in vain.

I know.

I would find it
If I,
you.


2159 hours (11/06/09)
Wishes


All I have to do is,
pick up and dial
dial and hello
hello and ...

I fear the unknown.

I am under an attack
by the what ifs army
Im surrounded by them
trapped in a circle
with no ways of escaping.

I wish I live in a dream
where all my wishes come true.

I wish to be with you.




2146 hours (11/06/09)


Note : shit.