My disease

The hours spent feel brief
but it has brought years.
The bond seasoned with complications
cooked by explanations
served with contemplations
and tears or joy, as choices for desserts.

Decisions and patience
pride put aside
hearts left out open
walls dissolved from sight
vulnerable to you
and only you
always here for you
with no intentions to move.

Been chased by the ghosts
of what you once were
what you are
however fail to meet
of what is yet to become,
of you,
of us.

Losing sleep and now faith
but faith only always be restored
you have that power,
over me.

I will be elevated high up
only to be left hanging
you will come to rescue me,
soon.
You will come.
But I have fallen.

The pain, the aches, the wounds
will heal.
The sorrow, the anger, the happiness
will fade.
But I will never be cured
from you.


1345 hour (29/11/09)


Notes : oh why.

Surprised.

So this is how you roll?


It never ceases to amaze me how I'm always surprised when you do what you do over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.


So I'm like a cloth that you seek when you need and you leave when you don't?


Wow.


Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.


And again.

Magnet

With every words
with every actions
with every hatred
with every patience
I try to forget
I try to forgive
but it is no longer enough.

With every excuses
with every tears
with every pleas
with every cheers
I try to forget
I try to forgive
but it is no longer enough.

I can no longer do.
Why am I still around?
You magnet.


2355 hour (26/11/09)

Toy soldier

I am a wooden soldier. Once famous among the boys. I was their favourite toy. But that's the only thing I am. A toy.

You loved me once. I know you did. I loved you. I really love you. All toys love their masters without conditions. They love their masters with all their heart.

You would take me anywhere. You would show me to everyone. I was this really cool toy that you think everyone wanted. You were so proud of having me.

But as it is only my nature that whenever you are careless and rough, parts of me would be broken. You'd have to fix me. I was so thankful to have such a kind hearted master. The pain I felt, was unbearable but having you by my side, it all fades. It is painful nevertheless. But none of the pain are comparable to when you forget me for plastic toys. Your once coolest toy, left in the shelves, among kites and balls and other shits I do not recognise. You can barely see me.

However, I was once your favourite after all. You somehow have this weird fascination towards me. Sometimes, you would miss me and take me away from the shelves and play with me. Those days I love the most. It feels like old times, when you would show me to anyone you see, whether they are interested to see me or not. But those days are short, and I would be left to trap dusts once again.

And when you feel like missing me, you'd come seeking for me. And I'll be there. I'll always be there.

Like an old wooden soldier. I'd always be there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...fuck you. You broke my legs and did not fix them. Of course I'll always fucking be there.

Flavour

If you could be the one who will make everything tastes differently, I will promise you, we won't taste the same.

You and me, we won't be tasteless.

We will be like a burst of flavours.

And you and me, we will be one flavour, that tastes differently.


We will be one flavour.

November the 25th

Seventeen years back, you were introduced to this world.

How many have you affected since then? How many hearts were broken because of your acts? How many have felt bitter towards you? How many times have you lied? How many promises have you broken? How many days were you annoyed?


How many have you made happy?


Because in the end, that is what matters.


Are you happy?


Well.


Happy 17th Birthday. I love you very much.

Setting you free

I have to let you go. You should let me go.

But I can't. You didn't.

I don't want to. Why don't you?

Don't want to let you go. Let me go.

Because erasing you is just a dreamer's nightmare.

But I can't let you go.

I don't want to.

I don't want to.

No.

Taste

Because everything tastes the same. Sweetness will eventually fade. Bitter will vanish. Sour will disappear. Salty will not stay.

And in the end, everything tastes the same.

Tasteless.

Happiness

I will admit this : I am afraid of happiness.

Maybe not so much afraid, but I feel like I do not deserve it. I've been injecting all these thoughts, that I do, as much as every one else, I do deserve happiness. I deserve to be happy. After all why don't I?

I can list out so many reasons why.

But happiness, happiness.

Happiness.

You are...

It has not been only days have I known you
and I thought I do.
It has not been only days I doubt so
and I try to prove me wrong.

I will admit that I have changed
not the same
but you,
have transformed.
From a stranger
to a friend
to a stranger
or were you one all along?

Will you ever let me in?
Or will we fall?
Will we fall.


1149 hour (4/11/09)

Silly Girl Meets Silly Boy

Silly I am,
for keeping all these thoughts in me
when they are for you
concerning you
and everything we've been through.
For keeping all these rage
building up in my heart
waiting to explode
attacking the wrong ones.
For keeping all these sorrow
gnawing at my soul
bit by bit
leaving an empty hole
where nothing fits.
For I am a coward
hiding behind my words
when I could have just told you,
"You silly boy, you broke my heart."


2051 hour (26/10/09)

What I want?

I sense the warmth in the air
but I was kissed by the cold reality.

This day,
you remember me.
You chose this very day.
Have I no heart to forget you
Not today.
Not this very day.

I am tired of trying to figure out
of chasing everything said and done
searching for the pieces
to finish the puzzle
to make a sense of the picture you painted.
I am tired of being the one trying
pouring my effort into the boiling indifference
just to be dissolved ; forgotten.

I do not know what you want
Will you finally tell me?
Because,
I know what I want.


2040 hour (26/10/09)