Si Pemilik Hati

Hai si pemilik hati,

kau penuhi ruang mimpi

apakah tidak cukup lagi ingatanku

yang kekal padamu di kala dua mata terbuka.

Indahnya bila

kisah mimpi kisah yang hatiku puja

enggan kutersedar

dari ulitan mimpi yang bak impian menjadi nyata.

Namun semua kisah kan berakhir jua

dan dua mata kubuka

pemilik hati, kau tiada

dan aku tahu ini bukan lagi mimpi.

Kau penuhi lagi ruangan minda

kini bersama cebisan mimpi dan realiti

aku keliru, aku mahu

namun semuanya hanyalah satu fantasi.

Oh si pemilik hati.

1004 hours 11/09/11

Note : Dreams, dreams.

Nobody truly loves
Nobody truly believes
Nobody truly cares
Nobody truly appreciate
minua

Rain shall fall.
Still the only shadow in a foggy street.

2157 hour (16/08/11)

What's my age again?

Maybe I am five

for all I want is chocolate and cotton candy

and running around freely

forgetting my worries.

But my worries are weighty,

though my choices aren't plenty

and I lack wisdom to contemplate

I must be twelve.

Factually I am nineteen.

With education being the most important thing

With never enough shoes and clothes

and my future will be as I shape it.

But I have given up on love

of almost lovers and horse riding princes

I am sceptical.

I must be twenty-five.

Though I must say, there are

So much expectations

So much responsibilities

So much anger in my heart

Ah.

I must be forty.

0536 hours (02/08/11)

Restart

You.
You were a dream
that came true.

Much has passed
and we started over with a clean slate.

Every time you ask I feel the want to break down
and pour every single pain and joy
but I halt.
It is not that I do not trust you.
Maybe it is that I do not trust you.

I do not trust that you would not leave.
For you left, once.
And they all left.
That is what I do not trust you with
And not because I do not trust you.

I forgave and asked for forgiveness
What I do not do best
but for you I did
because I think you are worth it.
I hope you are worth it.

Much has passed
and we started over with a clean slate
Let us not make a mess again.


1734 hour (25/07/11)

Plenty Done

I have done plenty
and a little bit more than plenty.
and not a word of gratitude crosses your lips.
I do not wish for much.

I do not ask to be showered with gifts
nor to be written a sonnet of,
nor do I ask to be thanked,
if doing so proves to be too difficult for you.

I do not ask for much
but only for you to not deny
that I have done plenty for thee
and a little more than plenty

I may not have given you gold or jewellery
But I have given thee the turnings of my clock
and it is as precious if not more.
Pray thy not forget.

Do not take this as I, asking to be Queen
I do not wish for much
but only to not be denied that I have done plenty
and a little bit more than plenty.

2349 hours

(08/07/110)

edited 19/07/11

Love

I have written on love
time and time.

I have searched love
experienced love
found love
lost love.

I have fallen in love
been in love
fall out of love
trusted love.

I have loved being in love
and loved being loved.

I have written on love
endlessly.

But I know not what love really is
still.

2353 hours (06/05/11)


Note : And I have lost faith in true love

'Twas

'Twas a tale
told by fairies
for sleepy kids
who are dreamy.

'Twas so surreal
I still could not believe
But my feet are on the ground
while my head afloat around.

I feel like Cinderella
on the night of the ball
but it continued for seven days
just like the seven dwarves.

Now I feel like Hansel and Gretel
losing their way home
and little Red Riding Hood
walking alone
to meet her beloved grandmother
only to meet a bad, bad wolf.

And I don't need no Prince Charming
I just need you.
And all those tales are told by fairies - untrue
but I hope you are true.


2140 hours (12/02/11)


Note : .

J(II)

The two lines that are the mesmerizing eyes.

With a gaze that could burn the icy mountains.

Captivated, I am.

The air around you, so hypnotizing

I was choked with mystery

You are quite intriguing, sir.

I thought I heard the angels sing

when I look upon you.

Ah pray don't catch me with crimson cheeks.

Tried I did, to make the tingling stop

and the pounding slowed

but all the particles of me

are stimulated by your presence.

You are my stimulus

and I react favourably to you.

You have done much, sir

to excite my senses.

To that,

I reward you a smile.

1838 hours (11/01/11)

Note : ... :)

Trust to fall

I remember

the music in my heart

the dances I danced

whenever I am

in love.

Everything is a beauty

and every day, a blessing

and every minute not spent with a you; tormenting

but still I listened to the music

and danced, the dance

even when apart

for a you is always close to my heart.

I remember

the secret smiles carved

the possibilities of life

the endless fluttering of butterflies

full in my stomach.

Oh I remember it all!

And I yearn it all!

When will I ever trust enough to fall

I'll give my all.

2156 hours (07/01/11)

(empty)

When I knock

inside it echoes

I feel the nothingness within me

and in deep I fall

into the abyss

of empty.

I feel the nothingness eating me

and I tremble with fear

that I will reach the end of my fall

before I learn how to fly.

2148 hours (07/01/11)

Edited (13/01/11)

Wavering

I doubt my heart
and that is not a good sign
I was so focused on You
That I pushed, pushed you away
Is it true what I feel?
Is it true what you feel?

You are unlike all I've ever known
Different, very different, oh so very different
I wonder if it is wrong?
I wonder if you are right.

I was caught in a whirlwind
when it all started
I could not comprehend
trying to comprehend
beginning to understand.

Have I not it all straight and aligned
still arranging
and rearranging.

I pray for the time to stop ticking
for I fear it will be too late.
Let it not be too late
or should it even matter?



1135 hours (20/12/2010)


Note : when I was confused. (Note on the word was) The latter applies. All is well now.